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Are you the gate keeper?

There is a fairly new and definitely annoying trend where I work.  It started with one guy, and like other things has gained momentum and has exploded into a full-on competition between nit wits to see who can carry the most keys on their belt.  One guy in production that moon-lights as a clean-up guy for a local laundromat, has always worn the keys on his belt.  Given his side job I guess I can understand the extra keys.  They might be a tad cumbersome in the front pocket.  He jingles all over the building. 

About 6 months ago, one of his fellow production goofs decided he liked the excessive key look.  So, I’m guessing he went home dug out all the key rings he could find and probably stole some blanks from the hardware store. He managed to surpass the amount of keys the first guy had, and his walking throughout the building is hypnotic.  The jingling of his keys is rhythmic and unmistakable.  I know it’s him every time!   The thing about this guy is that I know he doesn’t need any of the damn keys.  He doesn’t even have a car!  At most he needs one to let himself into his stank-ass studio apartment.

3 weeks ago we had a female temp start and guess what…..she has a gigantic mess of keys hanging off her butt too.

Finally there is the poser.  The warehouse guy that sometimes will wear his keys on the belt when he feels like he isn’t getting enough attention.  He is obviously feeling self conscious about his lack of keys, he doesn’t fully feel part of the key club.

These clowns don’t look like janitors, it’s worse.  They look like an old west sheriff guarding the jailhouse with the cast iron key ring the size of a hula hoop and the sixteen individual keys each as big as a mans arm. 

I have included this picture so you can be aware of this menace.   Pray you don’t fall victim to their buffoonery.

Actual photo of actual key master!

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3 thoughts on “I am the Key Master.

  1. haha, yes! I know a few of these guys too… What in the god damn hell does anybody need that many keys for? Car, House, and 2 miscellaneous… thats all you get. And to think that in the morning they actually clip on their jingly collection of shit, look at themselves in the mirror and say, “Yup, good to go!” oye…

  2. And these people always attach their keys with a carabiner – are they trying to hint that when they are off-duty, they are fearless rock climbers? Even young kids affix all manner of junk (mini Teddy bears and whatnot) to their backpacks with carabiners. I have carabiners, but only for climbing purposes.If I take my keys out of my car (which is rare), I have a handbag. I think the men who walk around like this are trying to avoid the dreaded “fanny pack”.

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