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The U.S. Open tennis tournament is going on in Flushing Meadows, New York this week.  It has been hotter than balls there.  How hot?  Hot enough to cause a 21-year-old woman to pass out, mid match, on the court.

From Sports Illustrated:

The scene was simply scary: Victoria Azarenka, a 21-year-old on the rise in the WTA rankings, paused about a half-hour into her second-round match Wednesday at the U.S. Open, then staggered, stumbled and collapsed to the court. 
As a record-breaking summer suffocates New York, the temperature in Flushing Meadows headed into the 90s for a third consecutive day, and the mercury topped 100 degrees on court. But tournament referee Brian Early said Azarenka’s problem did “not seem to be primarily a heat-related illness.”
 

Go back and read that last sentence,  “…did not seem to be primarily a heat-related illness”.  What else could it be?  Did she have a bout of irritable bowel syndrome?  Was there no breeze?  You see where I’m going with this?   She was afraid of promaja!    How else can you explain why a top athlete in peak physical condition would sit on a slab of concrete, in a stadium, where the heat index was over 100 degrees without a fan??  Azarenka is not from Serbia, or even a Balkan country, she is from Belarus, which is in central Europe near Poland, Ukraine and Russia.  What is alarmingly obvious to me is that the influence of promaja is making its way north right into the crotch of Europe.   There is no other explanation.  NORAD has been tracking promaja much like it does Santa Claus and there is no denying that it’s on the move. 

My fear now is that some how Janko Tipsarevic brought some promaja with him from Serbia.   Fearing a stiff back and potential groin pulls Janko stood defiantly in the stifling heat of New York and managed to upset Andy Roddick.  Tipsarevic was able to withstand the heat without a fan because he knows what could have been.  No word on if Janko warned Victoria Azarenka of the health risks associated with prolonged exposure to promaja, but I think it’s pretty obvious he was flappin’ his gums. 

New York City has been placed on alert and fighter jets have been scrambled.   

 Promaja is on the move and I don’t know if it can be stopped.

"We will get you to a windowless room! Don't worry!"

 

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3 thoughts on “Promaja creepin’ the U.S. Open

  1. All the Serbs in professional tennis speak perfect english.
    Poor Azarenka actually went out to play her match with a minor concussion. If Jankovic couldn’t win this (and now she’s out) I was pulling for the Belarusian.

    Of course, the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center went from absolutely no promaja to hurricane gusts. So you were clearly right. Maybe I should start getting forecasts from this blog :))

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