Yeah, that sounds great, but I'm busy harvesting souls that day.

Yeah, that sounds great, but I’m busy harvesting souls that day.


It is on the calendar, the baby shower. For sure a baby shower is necessary in my view but that doesn’t mean that I have to attend, and I won’t. It’s no man’s land, women reign supreme in that world of spritzers, cup cakes and tiny clothes.

There was a some wonder as to when the baby shower would take place. My wife’s mother is a Serbian immigrant and all that entails; stubborn, cheap and locked in the old traditions. Initially she told my wife that she would not host a baby shower for her because it was bad luck to have the shower before the birth.

“What if something happens because you planned too far ahead and then what?”

That’s how I imagine the conversation going, one way. When Tetka Z talks the wife listens. Done. I’m probably not too far off the mark with my quote.

So my wife put the word out to her family, friends and my family as well. Her side, the Serbs, weren’t a bit surprised by this as they are a superstitious people. So it rolled right off of their backs, NBD. My mother and sister, to my surprise, took things in stride and I didn’t hear a thing about it, until last week when my sister sent the following:

….mom and I were talking about having a shower for you. I know that your mom wants to have one after the baby is born, but we are concerned the you are not going to have all that you need once he arrives. We would love to host a shower, but don’t want to steal her thunder. What are your thoughts? If we going to do one, we need to get moving!!”

Truth be told I was actually relieved when my sister brought it up, I was starting to think she’d gone soft. I know she had many sleepless nights sitting in the dark plotting on how to pull it off. She is not one for inactivity, if there is an opportunity for pink shit, hors’douvrs and booze she is ready with a clip board and guest list. Thanks for not letting me down.

All this means is that now the wife will have two showers, just as she did when we got married, (she had three). The American shower will be laden with practical gifts and the Serbian one will be heavy on cards with cash. The two will have few similarities; one will be modest in size, the other will be hundreds. One will be in a home, the other at the church. One will have finger food, the other will have sarma and burek.

What they will both have in common is that I won’t be there. I got guilted into going to the bridal shower and it was a nightmare, I hated every second of it. There are few times in my life that I felt more uncomfortable and out of place and that was one. After I vowed “NEVER AGAIN!’ and I’m sticking to it. I’ll play my part and swing by afterwards to pick up the gifts, and if I’m not too loaded, her. During the Serb shower I’ll be over at my Kume’s pounding down rakija and eating salted-cured meats. Delish!

Call me what you will but I am past the point of doing things because it’s expected. I do what is necessary for the family and my wife, but this isn’t one of them. My time and energy will be focused somewhere, anywhere else on an early spring day.

Check out my Facebook page!!  It’s super sweet. https://www.facebook.com/Promajaneck


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